“Oli McBurnie is back in the Scotland squad,” noted John Cant last week. “With his record of 16 appearances [now 20] and zero goals, he said in a recent interview, ‘a tap-in on Saturday or one that goes in off my backside would be lovely’. The backside comes up often when players talk of breaking a goal drought – but has it ever actually happened?”
We dreamed of a perfect answer to this question: a usually prolific striker enduring a barren run that ends when an errant clearance ricochets off their derriere and dribbles over the line at 0.00001mph. Alas, no such examples were forthcoming – but all backside goals have a certain earthy charm, so let’s get stuck in.
The first three involve players who, though not previously prolific, did break their ducks. “Dean Coney for Norwich in a 2-2 draw with Aston Villa in 1989,” writes Gary Southwell. “He charged down a clearance from Nigel Spink that rebounded off his backside and into the net. It was his only goal for the club.”
Coney’s unusual achievement was repeated at international level a few years later. “Australia’s Robbie Slater, who won the Premier League while at Blackburn, springs to mind,” writes Rohan Back. “Slater managed to score his first goal for the Socceroos with his backside, against the Solomon Islands, in his 21st full international.”
Slater’s was the opening goal in a 6-2 win during qualification for France 98. Their coach, Terry Venables, reacted with the uncomfortable smile of a man who wondered how, in the space of 12 months, he’d gone from Gazza’s wonder goal against Scotland to a backside ricochet against the Solomon Islands.
On to Ninian Park in May 2002, where a playoff semi-final was settled by the posterior of a Guinean forward. “Souleymane Oularé played just two games for Stoke City, scoring a single goal in a playoff semi-final against Cardiff,” writes Mike Richardson. “It was the winning goal in extra time, putting Stoke into the final. He became a bit of a club legend.”
Stoke, who had lost the first leg 2-1 at home, forced extra time at Ninian Park when James O’Connor scored in the 90th minute. Then, with five minutes of extra time to play, O’Connor’s free-kick hit Oularé and bounced into the net. Oularé, brought on as a substitute when Stoke were chasing the game in normal time, had been out of the team for almost four months.
“He was signed in December 2001, but was ruled out for most of the season following a life-threatening blood clot after his debut against Northampton,” adds Simeon Goldstraw. “After four years in the third tier, the lowest the club has ever been, Stoke went on to beat Brentford in the playoff final. There’s a great record of it in Stoke’s local newspaper from last year.”
Oularé stayed on the bench in the playoff final, which Stoke controlled after scoring an early goal, and didn’t play for the club again. His career with the Potters amounted to 80 minutes.
William Saliba’s Arsenal career has been a bit more substantial. The defender scored with his rump against Manchester United in 2024-25, and Thierno Barry slid the ball into the net with his behind to give Everton victory at St James’ Park last season.
In the Women’s Super League, a big deflection off Sjoeke Nüsken put Chelsea 3-0 up in their vital clash against Arsenal in March 2024 – although we’re not entirely sure whether it came off her backside or her leg.
Let’s finish with a famous goal at Tannadice in 2010, when Rangers’ hopes of a domestic treble ended with a Scottish Cup quarter-final defeat by Dundee United. The only goal was scored in bizarre circumstances by David Robertson. Again, we’re not 100% sure it’s a bona fide backside goal. Either way, it’s well worth a look.
“Andy Burnham and Mark Carney were in attendance at the recent Everton v Wolves Carabao Cup match,” mails Greg Hunt. “Have two national leaders attended a club match in the UK before, apart from European finals?”
The UK prime minister and his Canadian counterpart are both Everton fans, and watched the 1-0 win over Wolves last month. Burnham has been pictured running in a retro, Hafnia-sponsored shirt – but he’s not the first resident of 10 Downing Street to flaunt his allegiance, as Chris Greenhough points out.
“Tony Blair, famously a Newcastle fan, brought Bertie Ahern to two editions of Newcastle v Manchester United. The first came in 1997 at St James’ Park, where the Magpies lost 1-0 to an Andy Cole goal; the second was the 1999 FA Cup final at Wembley – another Manchester United win as they marched to the Treble.” We make that a score of Blair 0-2 Ahern, as Ireland’s former taoiseach is a lifelong Manchester United fan.
“This remains a rare occurrence, however. While Aston Villa/West Ham fan David Cameron did host a 2015 summit with President Xi at Manchester City’s training ground, the domestic football schedule has long remained off his radar. He did watch the 2012 Champions League final on TV with Barack Obama and Angela Merkel, though.” More on that here.
Suspended suspensions
“Oxford United goalkeeper Simon Eastwood was sent off towards the end of their EFL Trophy game at AFC Wimbledon on 9 January 2024, with the U’s eliminated after losing 2-0,” begins Martin Brodetsky. “With Oxford spending the next two seasons in the Championship, Eastwood’s suspension has come back into play for Tuesday’s game against Exeter. Is this the longest gap between a dismissal and subsequent punishment (999 days, or two years, eight months, 25 days)?”
Mykola Kozlenko writes in with the tale of Éric Matoukou, who served a suspension two years after a red card – but that’s not even half the story. “On 19 August 2010, Matoukou received a red card playing for Genk in a Europa League qualifier against Porto, and was handed a two-match suspension,” Mykola explains.
“He served the first game of his ban on 26 August 2010, at which point Genk was eliminated. In 2011 he joined Dnipro in Ukraine. His club played two Europa League qualifiers while he was there, but he was not in the club’s Europa League squad. Then, Matoukou was loaned out to Arsenal Kyiv and played on 2 August 2012 in a Europa League qualifier against Mura.”
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Because he had not served the second game of his suspension, Matoukou’s participation meant that Arsenal Kyiv forfeited the match and Uefa restarted his two-match suspension. He served the first match of the ban (again) in the return leg, but still had one to go – and has never completed the two-game sanction.
“Dnipro played eight Europa League games after Matoukou returned there, but he never made it into their European squad. He left in 2014 and his subsequent clubs (including Lierse, Inter Turku and Pafos) have not qualified for European football, which means he is still yet to serve the second match of his suspension.”
Matoukou is now 43 and last played for amateur Belgian side Sprimont Comblain, so it seems highly unlikely he will ever complete a ban received more than 16 years ago.
Any more for any more? Email us at knowledge@theguardian.com
Knowledge archive
“The fastest goals in football are well known, but has a team ever equalised in the first minute?” wondered James W in 2017. “What about the quickest times to reach other scorelines … 2-2, 3-3, etc?”
“A quick answer to one of the questions posed, and it involves one of the early games of Coventry’s triumphant Checkatrade Trophy campaign, at home to Northampton in October,” notes John Baker. “Dan Agyei scored a brilliant solo goal for City after just 20 seconds, but a minute later Marc Richards equalised for the Cobblers – meaning the score was 1-1 after 90 seconds or so.” It finished 3-1 to the Sky Blues.
Dirk Maas offers up a Serie A belter from 13 September 1992, “the match between promoted Pescara and reigning champions Milan. Thanks to Massimiliano Allegri, Pescara took the lead in the first minute. Paolo Maldini equalised two minutes later and Gianluigi Lentini gave the Rossoneri the lead in the fifth minute. Two own goals by Franco Baresi in the 12th (2-2) and 14th minutes gave the scoreline an unexpected turn. Pescara increased the margin in the 23rd minute. Marco van Basten then scored two goals in quick succession (37th and 39th minutes), to make it 4-4 at half-time. In the second half, Van Basten completed his hat-trick, sealing a 5-4 win for Milan.”
Can you help?
“The German national kit is not going to be made by Adidas any more, going to Nike after 70 years. Is this the longest kit supply partnership in history, and what’s the longest current run in club football?” asks Paul Savage.
“Have there ever been any games in the top four English leagues in which there has been no added time [since it was introduced in 1891]?” asks Dave Blackhurst.
“Scotland had a player sent off in each of their last two games, against Switzerland and North Macedonia,” writes Stuart McLagan. “This got me thinking” what is the longest run of consecutive matches that either a national team or club side has gone having a player sent off in each match?”
“George Desmond Kamurasi, goalkeeper for English ninth-tier side SE Dons, was selected as the new king of the Tooro kingdom in Uganda [but reportedly declined the role]. What is the highest level of football played by royalty? Not counting Josh King, Kevin-Prince Boateng, etc,” wonders Nathan Eaton.
“Scott McDonald, the prolific striker for Motherwell and Celtic (among other teams) amassed 26 Australian caps with zero goals,” notes Brian Arthur. “Are there any strikers who earned a greater number of international caps without scoring?”
“Harry Kane is now Bayern’s seventh-highest scorer of all time, as well as being Tottenham’s highest scorer. The man he overtook at the top of that list, Jimmy Greaves, is also Chelsea’s seventh-highest scorer of all time. Do any other players feature on two (or more) clubs’ all-time top-ten scoring charts?” asks Owen Powell.
“The Scottish men’s national team’s highest Fifa ranking was 13th (in 2007) and the worst was 88th place in 2005 – a difference of 75 positions,” writes Bogan Kotarlic. “Is this the biggest gap between the best and worst ranking for one national team?”
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