FINAL DRAFT
In his 1965 song Draft Dodger Rag, Phil Ochs detailed the occasionally ludicrous lengths some young American men went to avoid conscription to the military. While he listed ruptured spleens, poor eyesight and flat feet as more mundane ailments, mentions of bone spurs (Donald J Trump), conscientious objecting (Muhammad Ali) and 30-day hygiene protests (Ted Nugent) were all conspicuous by their absence from the protest singer’s lyrics. Ochs almost certainly had no idea that the best way to avoid the draft in South Korea is to be really good at sport.
Monday’s Football Daily revealed that mere seconds after captaining his country to gold at the Asian Games, Lee Gi-hyuk was overcome with an ill-advised urge to publicly brag how victory meant he could not be drafted for military service. The South Korea skipper was joined in his tone-deaf celebrations by teammates Yang Min-hyuk (of Tottenham) and Park Seung-soo (of Newcastle). Their exemption came on the back of a government promise offering any podium-toppers from South Korea a free pass from their 18 to 21 months of obligatory service to be conducted before they turn 35. The subsequent public outcry was deafening, no doubt prompted by the vast majority of able-bodied South Koreans who don’t get so lucky, as well as South Koreans who view conscription as a duty to be honoured, rather than a hardship to avoid at any cost.
“I got caught up in the happiness, adrenaline and excitement of the moment,” simpered Lee in his subsequent apology. “I am deeply sorry to the fans who are currently fulfilling their military duty, as well as to all those who sincerely supported us.” While the defender promised to reflect on his behaviour, it has now emerged he may also be forced to ponder the notion that he has potentially kiboshed future opportunities for other athletes to take advantage of an exemption that has been in place for more than 50 years. It seems South Korea’s Ministry of National Defence was already reviewing plans to completely abolish special sports exemptions and his post-match braying is likely to accelerate the process, making him as popular as a rattlesnake buried in a game of lucky dip.
“Ultimately, we have plans to cut back or scrap the supplementary service, including one designed for artists and athletes, and reflect it in the basic outline for defence reforms,” droned a military suit. “From the perspective of the defence ministry, we are deeply sorry for the remarks made by some people in the sports industry.” Despite their victory, South Korea’s gold medallists will still have to complete three weeks of basic training and 544 hours of community service for their country. Given their high profiles and ill-advised boasting, Football Daily suspects these recruits can look forward to no end of barked orders, miles of marching on the drill square and an unnaturally high allocation of cleaning duties in the latrine.
NEXT GENERATION 2026
From “the new Toni Kroos” to the USA USA USA’s next big hope, it’s the 2026 global edition with 60 of the best young players born in … yikes, 2009. And if you missed the Premier League version, catch it here.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
A busy night ahead … join Scott Murray from 7.45pm (all times BST) for hot minute-by-minute updates from England 3-1 Czechia, while Simon Burnton will be on deck with clockwatch coverage of the rest of the Nations League action. Then at midnight, join our colleagues across the pond for Lionel Messi 5-0 Benin, plus USA USA USA 3-2 Canada from 1am.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I thought: these guys think differently. They don’t just go tried and tested. They might listen to a 29-year-old who’s potentially retiring. Brighton, in my opinion, are the most forward-thinking club in the world” – Jason McCarthy, who thought he might even end up becoming a pastor, on staying in the game and calling time on his playing career early to coach with the Seagulls.
I see Wycombe’s Carl Simon was voted the Women’s National League Division One manager of the month. He probably thinks this award is about him” – James Vortkamp-Tong.
Strange to hear head coach Jorge Jesus say that Cristiano Ronaldo’s international career with Portugal will end when the player, not the coach, decides (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition). I suppose it was inevitable that one day he’d prove to be bigger than Jesus” – Justin Kavanagh (and others).
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day goes to … James Vortkamp-Tong, who wins a copy of Games of My Life by Sir Alex Ferguson. It’s out now and available in The Guardian Bookshop alongside loads of other great football titles. Terms and conditions for our competitions are here.
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