Key events
Norway’s progress has been – this is not breaking news – all about Erling Haaland. Two goals against Iraq. Another brace against Senegal. A nice rest while the B team got some minutes against France.
Then in the knockouts, Haaland notched a late winner against Côte d’Ivoire, before sending Norwegian bunnies Brazil out of the competition in swashbuckling style. If Erling’s on one, all bets are off.
So how did we all get here? To tell the story properly, let’s go back to the beginning and reacquaint ourselves with both squads. In truth, not too much has changed since then … other than we’d need to crowbar in a bit about golf at the end of the England page. Oh Harry.
Some more on the conditions … courtesy of David Hytner, our man live from the coal face.
Tell you what Scott, it’s crazy hot inside the stadium. Myself, Barney Ronay and Ed Aarons have just set up in the press box, sat at our seats for five minutes and we’re all dripping in sweat. Imagine playing in this. The temperature at the moment is 33C. The real feel is 42C. According to Ed’s app, the humidity is 71pc.
Weather report. It’s currently 33C (91F) in Miami, and not expected to get any cooler come kick-off time. Once humidity is factored in, it’s likely to feel around 41C (106F). Phew, what a scorcher, etc. Will that give Norway an advantage? They played Brazil under 31C sun in New Jersey last weekend; the most extreme weather England have dealt with so far has been a 25C ramble under cloud, also in New Jersey, against Panama. So it’s a toss-up between experience and fatigue levels: you decide, and the truth will out. The conditions aren’t expected to exceed Fifa guidelines, so there’s no chance of the game being called off … but there could be a weather delay should lightning strike within eight miles of Miami Stadium, in which case it’s a 30-minute postponement, the countdown clock reset every time there’s more electrical activity. But for now, fingers crossed for 5pm local time/10pm BST/7am AEST … and stay hydrated all y’all.
Preamble
England won their first five games against Norway, between 1937 and 1980, to the cumulative score of 24-2. No wonder, then, that the commentator Bjørge Lillelien went off on one like he did when Norway eventually chalked up their first victory against the Three Lions in September 1981. And if you haven’t yet read Lars Sivertsen’s entertaining account of that famous rant, right that wrong immediately!
It’s been a lot closer between the two nations since then. In six subsequent meetings, England are two wins to one up with three draws, but it’s Norway’s sole victory that lingers longest in the memory: Oslo 1993, and a 2-0 World Cup qualifying win that marked the beginning of the end for poor old Graham Taylor. The famous yelps of “Do I not like that!” and “Can we not knock it?!” came earlier in that ill-fated campaign against Poland, but Phil Neal stole the show in Oslo with his spot-on impersonation of a lyrebird, while Taylor himself delivered a couple of off-screen “aw fucking hell”s that were a masterclass in comic timing and bathos. He was a good man, Graham; time’s been kind.
It’s been a quotable feast through the years, so here’s to some more freestyle effin’ and jeffin’ tonight. All of the ingredients are ripe for choice comment: Erling Haaland and Harry Kane are scoring goals for fun; Arsenal’s title-winning generals, Declan Rice and Martin Ødegaard, will face off in midfield; and it’s going to be real hot in Miami. Both of these teams harbour genuine hopes of going all the way in this tournament, so here’s to a (no-doubt-fraught) classic. Good luck everyone, may the best team hand out one hell of a beating. Kick-off is at 5pm local time/10pm BST/7am AEST. It’s on! Can you hear me?!? It’s on!!!!!
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