Let’s set the world on fire. There’s a section in Bill Buford’s classic football hooligan study, Among the Thugs, where he describes being part of a phalanx of England “faces” steaming through the centre of mid-1980s Rotterdam towards some kind of meet, while their leader – the Top Boy, General or similar – runs up and down the column whispering to his men, saying the “energy is high”, “the energy is high”, “feel it”, “the energy is high”.
As it is currently for this England team, and quite clearly the players can feel it. You will probably have seen the dressing-room video, which has more than 40m views. Declan Rice and John Stones are shown playing a prank on Thomas Tuchel after the electrical storm masquerading as a football match at the Estadio Azteca on Sunday. Rice pretends Stones has injured his shoulder. Stones plays along with it, delivering a minimalist acting masterclass so contained there is almost no acting at all, before raising his fist as the beat drops (song: Talk To You, by ANOTR) and the room falls about in generalised hysteria.
But, of course, Rice and Stones are not really the main characters here. It is instead the tall, fidgety man in the short-sleeved shirt that the camera loves and lingers on as he claps along with an unignorable gangly energy, head bobbing, like a glimpse into one of those daytime retro-raves where middle-aged surveyors from Guildford pretend it’s 1989 – the summer of love, hardcore you know the score, have a bang on one of these pal, they’re M&S elderflower pastilles – before leaving in time for a 4.30pm psoriasis appointment.
As the big reveal happens, Tuchel barks with laughter and bump-hugs Stones. And the energy, well, the energy is undeniable, most notably in the comments underneath, which are uplifting and surprisingly tender, with people saying things like: “He gets it;” “He’s one of us;” and, most telling: “I dunno how to explain it but, man, I love Tuchel.”
Teams are strange things, made up of abstract bonds, metrics that fall between the lines. There is a paradox with this slightly thrown-together England. Tuchel is a rationalist and a details man. Whereas the keynote of the current World Cup campaign is feelings, will, chemicals, overcoming its shortcomings with an excess of spirit. Is this sustainable? Is the Azteca going to end up being the peak, the rush before the comedown of a very difficult, fine-margins quarter-final against Norway in Miami? This is entirely possible. Norway are not just a dangerous team, but one that seem set up to prey on some very specific England weaknesses. In the meantime, however, still illuminated by victory in Mexico, this is a remarkable moment for Tuchel, who is, like late afternoon Miami-Dade County, just so hot right now.
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Norway and England: how they compare
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Population Norway: 5.6 million; England: 56.3 million
Area Norway: 148,729 square miles; England: 50,371 square miles
Lowest temperature recorded Norway: -51.4C; England: -26.1C
Average male height Norway: 5ft 11in; England: 5ft 9in
National dish Norway: Fårikål (mutton or lamb, cabbage, black pepper and occasionally some wheat flour); England: chicken tikka masala (invented in Glasgow)
Fifa ranking Norway: 19; England: 4
Squad value (via Transfermarkt.com) Norway: £502.56m; England: £1.25bn
Most expensive player Norway: Erling Haaland £51.2m; England: Elliot Anderson £116m (transfer to be finalised after World Cup)
Best World Cup placing Norway: quarter-final (current); England: winners
All-time World Cup goals Norway: 19; England: 115
World Cup wins against Brazil Norway: 2; England: 0
Premier League players in World Cup squad Norway: 6; England: 20
Championship players in World Cup squad Norway: 3; England: 0
Tallest player in squad Norway: Kristoffer Ajer 6ft 6in; England: Dan Burn 6ft 7in
Natalie Tan and Calvin Burton
England managers often have this early rush of public affection, usually during the novelty of a first summer tournament. Sven-Göran Eriksson had it: the suit and the face, the surprisingly vigorous love-romp-style private life. Gareth Southgate had it, the Whole Again years, pre-Covid happiness in the sunlight of Samara.
Tuchel has already been GQ’d (decoding the semiotics of his vintage Rolex). His look has been deconstructed in these pages (the Polo Shirt Moment). His World Cup touchline optics have been meta-analysed across the internet, from high-end sports casual in Dallas – black shirt and slacks, white trainers, Nosferatu on a golf weekend – to a kind of shoplifter chic in New England; hood, cap and very expensive skinny jeans.
Best of all, the ultimate accolade in these casual summer romances, Tuchel has been deemed sexy, or at least bafflingly sexy by at least one thread on Mumsnet. True, the phrases used – “wiry, athletic, long-limbed vibe”, “gorgeous, smiley eyes” – are interspersed with words like “haunted”, “reanimated mummy” and “malnourished vagrant”, as though finding a gangly Euro-vampire type appealing is unusual or transgressive.
Perhaps those who didn’t see Tuchel close up at Chelsea (or in Paris or Dortmund) may be surprised that the obtuse figure appointed in a haze of casual anti-Germanism is now not just liked but loved. Those who did will not be. In person Tuchel is imposing, high energy and charismatically intense. But this is also a tool. Even the vibes stuff captured in that video is part of a managerial process. And whatever happens in Miami, it is worth noting Tuchel was right about the importance of balance and squad spirit. Tournaments are not an all-star carnival or a game of Top Trumps. England have enough talent to select advisedly.
This squad was picked to accommodate Harry Kane and Jude Bellingham in their various states on and off the pitch. It has worked. Both are having excellent tournaments. The composition of the backup players was much debated at the time. Well, the backup players have been massive here, not just happily throwing themselves into the fray but throwing themselves over some advertising hoardings after the fray has already concluded.
This is not an accident. It’s a feat of management, a judgment call. Tuchel can be spiky. There was for a while a suggestion among startled Gen Z-ish observers that he might be too harsh in his public judgments, his touchline cajoling. But Tuchel has walked that line carefully to date, with the proviso he also has a history of straying across it, which will come at some point. But he knows elite players, and knows they respond to clarity and fearlessness. Even his bearing, his look, the way he carries himself have a targeted effect. Tuchel was not an elite player. He retired early, worked as a barman, a male model, then a junior coach. But elite players admire him, feel good around him, trust his aura.
This is the juice that has powered England to this stage. The fix has been emotional rather than structural. Snags, failings, gaps have been glossed through collective effort, moments from star players, and the fact England are yet to play anyone good enough to really pick those holes apart. At which point, enter Norway, who seem well set up to do just that. This will be a different kind of test. It is now time to go another way. Because this is where detail really will start to matter.
Even Premier League familiarity doesn’t really help. It tells you Erling Haaland can score goals against your defence. Martin Ødegaard is captain of the champions and beginning to play like it. Antonio Nusa would be a serious addition to any top English team. This really is 50-50. In Premier League terms England are probably Aston Villa at this World Cup. Norway are Brentford. Who’s going to win that on a Super Saturday afternoon?
So often these games come down to fine details and, in Norway, England have opponents whose strengths seem well-pitched to prey on their own weaknesses. Mexico was a wonderful victory. But Mexico also lacked a finisher and physical power in midfield. Norway have both. They have also prospered by applying well-metered pressure to punishing opponents’ defensive mistakes. And England have made a lot of these. Almost all the goals England have conceded have come from defensive disorganisation and a weakness to aerial attack. Against Mexico, both goals conceded were a result of failing to defend set pieces. Jordan Pickford had to make two fine saves from Raúl Jiménez headers.
Meanwhile, Norway have been scoring from crosses and high-intensity pressing. England have a susceptibility to both of these. They will have had five days to prepare. Can they fix this? Because it will require something other than vibes this time. One move would be to play all three Manchester City defenders against Haaland, although this does assume daily familiarity with the world’s most brutal finisher is an advantage, not a source of scars.
Right-back is an obvious problem. If Reece James is not fit it seems likely Ezri Konsa will slot in there, offering extra physical presence, but also an unnerving echo of Graham Taylor playing Gary Pallister to combat Jostein Flo all those years ago, and the subsequent meltdown into “Hit Les”, and so on. Either way, England are facing a serious team. Defend well, tighten the stitching and they should win. Defend as they have done, rely on fixing it with comebacks, surges, spirit, and they will be punished.
A word on the weather. England have been lucky so far. Atlanta and Dallas were air-conditioned. New York was damp. Mexico City was chilly and wild. Miami Stadium is not enclosed and the Florida heat at 5pm is the real deal, running around in it akin to some extreme performative endurance ordeal, like being flame-throwered inside an antique Victorian diving suit for the benefit of Korean TV.
This suggests another episodic game, with plenty of sweat, wild eyes and water-glugging. Norway have been in Florida all this time and have been less extended in their matches. It will be extra hard to stage another comeback.
This is a game to get right from the start, to fix the fine details in advance. Luckily, if anyone knows this for certain, it is England’s main character.
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