Jordana Brewster is opening up about her road to motherhood.
The Fast X actress—who welcomed sons Julian, 12, and Rowan, 10, via surrogate with ex-husband Andrew Form—shared she had trouble adjusting to motherhood after making the difficult choice not to carry her children herself.
“I felt like I had a dirty little secret,” Brewster wrote in a personal essay for The Cut titled “Making Peace With My Surrogacy” published June 22. “I hadn’t earned my child.”
Sharing that she felt like an “impostor” amongst other mothers, The Pirate King actress detailed how after seeing the sonogram for her first baby while accompanying her surrogate to a doctor’s appointment, she suddenly felt the weight of her decision.
“I’m driving south, I realized on the ride back, and my child is heading north to a home I don’t know, hearing sounds I can’t recognize, getting used to routines foreign to me,” she wrote. “I sobbed and sobbed in my hotel room until I almost vomited. I wanted to vomit, actually, because at least that would be real.”
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